The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

The outsiders is the most amazing book in the world! Its pages are filled with murder and self discovery. The lead character, Ponyboy Curtis (actual name), is the youngest in his gang of "greasers" and they are in a never ending war with the "socs". The greasers and the socs are almost exactly alike in every way. Only the socs are rich and the greasers are poor. His best friend, Johnny, kills a soc! Forcing the pair to run away, all they run to is more and more drama. I'll spare you the details of the rest of the book. I think that everyone should read this book! Go out and buy it. :)

been a while

havent written in a while.. and here i sit 1 am on a tuesday night [wednesday morning] with nothing to do... every time i try to drift towards sleep thoughts keep coming... not even good thoughts. thoughts about everything... death, jobs, driving, age... i hate it. i never really realized before how precious life is.. then i started thinking about my uncles.. they were both young when they passed away, well not young, but youngish.. younger than my grandmother, younger than my mother... it's scary. you could be so happy one day watching your children running around laughing and the next minute its gone. so what do you do? i myself am single, jobless, and i cant even drive. i dont know what more to do then sit on this computer, stare at the screen, and just write down whatever first comes to mind... when i hear people ask me what is the point of life before i never truely knew the answer... but now i do.. it is those little moments.. those moments of childrens laughter.. those moments of tears.. those moments where everything that has been bad that has happened in your life is suddenly worth while. and me being single, jobless, and not being able to drive.. i have nothing to complain about. because i have those moments.. those moments with my friends, those moments where i laugh so hard i cry. and its so worth it. life is worth living to the fullest.. when something knocks you down.. get right back up because of moments.. and when you think about complaining.. do it! complain, whine, moan, whatever! get your emotions out.. but just remember.. that no matter what.. there will always be those moments..

Song of the day :/

the song of the day is "the outsider" by A Perfect Circle. this song basically says suicide is stupid, which it is! I am sooo sick of hearing people saying "i just want to kill myself" or "i want to die" your being stupid. I know what its like to have someone close to you commit suicide. its stupid. do you have any idea what you put other people through? you may think that no one cares, but the truth is that there is ALWAYS someone out there that does care about you, even the people with the worse attitudes have people who still love them. If you think that no one cares about you, then you need to go out there and meet some people, because people [like me] are always looking for more friends. And if your going to be all depressed and say to me that you want to kill yourself i dont want to hear it! you are so selfish to even think about doing something like that.

think about the person that you love the most... now think if they suddenly dissapeared from the world how would you feel?? because that's how someone that loves you would feel. i know, okay, i know that life is hard, but it is no reason to go and do something so stupid and so idiotic! my family went through alot... i love you all i really do, okay. if you are having depression issues, call the suicide hotline, or just talk to a close friend. PLEASE dont take yourself out of the world and away from your friends just because your feeling a little sad okay... everyone goes through hard times and you may think that you have had the worse life that anyone could every had... just remember it could ALWAYS ALWAYS be worse. life is too short and too precious just to throw away in an instant rage. Trust me okay?

i love you all <3

Song of the day :]

the song of the day is "Mr. Brightside" by playradioplay! [or the killers.. whatever] because i've noticed that i have been getting really jealous lately.. like REALLY jealous. its annoying. i HATE being jealous. its the worse feeling in the world. i have been jealous of my grandma and my mom [are you serious?] and i have been jealous of people who are going to college, even of random people in the street whether it be because they were holding hands with another person, or because i like their hair lol. seriously annoying.

i know that jealousy is going to do nothing for me. so what do i feel this way ALL the time? i wish i knew what to do about it... so, my question to you is... "is jealousy beneficial to you in anyway?"

Josy, Friends, and Moving on

my friend is moving! why? because she wants me to be all alone and sad [okay so i wont be ALL alone, but i will be sad] sadly she is going to college in IDAHO... is idaho in utah? no, its not. who am i going to go to when i need some advice or help, josy can relate to me more than ANYONE, and she always there to listen. i wish that i could go with her to idaho. i really have no idea what i am going to do without her. not many people can take my sense of humor... but she can. there are going to be no more long talks, no more making fun of my brothers, no more anything. :/ yesterday, she really helped me out, in a way that no one else could help me out [no thats not dirty lol] and its the hardest thing for me to tell people how i really feel, but i can around her. i wish she didnt have to leave [or didnt want to leave] but i know that this move is a big deal for her, and i know that it is the starting point for her life... so what can i do but just watch her go and pray that when she does we will still be friends...

it's really rare to find a friend like josy, and i know that whoever meets her will be changed for the better. but i have to know... when she leaves will it change me for the worse? i know i have other friends, great friends who all contribute something to my happiness and i do appreciate all of them. and if any of them left i would probably be as heart broken as i am now. And it seems that all of my friends [including josy] are leaving for one reason or another. i know people dont stay friends with their high school friends for very long, but i always thought that we all would be different.... i always thought that our friendship was strong enough...

but i am watching all of these people that i know and love move in different directions and i stand in the middle asking myself.... which direction do i go in. it seems everyone else knows. i only wish it was as easy for me as it seems to be for everyone else around me. i really do miss every single person that has ever came into my life, and everytime someone leaves... it feels like they are taking a little piece of me away with them. . .

Song of the day :]

the song of the day is "don't miss you at all" by Norah Jones. The events that are going to take place this weekend have shown me that everyone is moving on. true its a big change... but it is a change that we all need [especially the ones that i love the most]. And as hard as this is for me to take change... i welcome it. I know that this weekend could very well be the starting point for the biggest change this family will ever go through. It could bring moving, love, or even heart ache. But what are we if we do not take change? If change didn't happen i would not have the friends that i have, and i am almost positive that we would not be as happy as we are.

"dont miss you at all" is not a song about hating someone, or dismissing someone completely from your life... its about moving on, and maybe even bringing new people into your life. its about not being stuck in the past, but moving on towards the future. and its true... i dont miss my past... our past. but i do welcome the future with open arms. as all people should. I hope that when you listen to this song, you dont think about past mistakes and how happy you are that they are over, but to accept your mistakes, and think about what the rest of your life will bring. Pretty much everything in my life happened for a reason. And i hope that i am a better person for it.

So yes i will accept this new person into my life and with time i do believe that it will be like he never came in... but was always here. just as so many of my friends [and a few other people] had made me feel.

[p.s. i do realize that i was rambling quite a lot in this post, and i apologize XD]

[image is of Norah Jones, found on google.com]

Tatoos, Piercings, and a question

Me, i want a tattoo, as radical as i sounds i want one. Here's the problem, almost EVERYONE in my family has told me at one time or another that if i get a tattoo they will either: disown me, kill me, get really mad, be disgusted, ect. you get the point. And another problem is I HATE PAIN. and i heard from two different sources two completely different things... on one side "no it doesnt hurt that much" on the other side "it hurt SO BAD". gah. so after writing this i am pretty sure that i am going to hold out on that one... it is a choice that i really need to think about, i mean it is going to be on my body forever right i cant just get something like "32 Leaves" [my favorite band] i want to get something that isnt going to change over time... like my kids names, okay i dont have kids yet, but that is why i need to wait.

Piercings on the other hand... I have been wanting to get something for a while, i have a group of friends that says "go for it" and another group of friends that says "your going to regret it". But the difference between peircings and tattoos is that piercings can be taken out. and i'm sure they hurt a whole lot less.

But here is the REAL QUESTION why do i care so much about what other people think? I just said in my last blog to not be what other people want you to be but what you want to be. So reading back, i am a contradiction, and in the end i am going to do what i want to do.

My question to you is: Is losing your family or their approval worth being true to yourself?